Las Vegas

Juliet and I flew down to Vegas to spend time with our family there! It was her first airplane ride and she did wonderfully! She is such a good little travel buddy! I can't complain! We spent so much time with cousins and enjoyed every second of it. We also ate at our favorite pizza place (sorry Jake!) called Metro! My tummy is growling thinking about it! It is a must every time we go to Vegas. Juliet will learn! Sure do love our family!

Cousin L taking a nap on my lap! I was dying at his cuteness! 

Cousin B holding Juliet in her swaddle (Burrito Baby)

Big cousin B - the oldest of the cousins and such a good helper with the babies! Love her so much!

Grandma and Grandpa W. Juliet does love them we just took the bottle out of her mouth so we could snap a picture before Grandpa left for the night.

Twinsies! Juliet and her cousin E are two months apart! So fun! Can you see the family resemblance?

Auntie T

Little Juliet got a visit from her Auntie T and we had so much fun! We watched movies, ate yummy food, went up to the Temple grounds, played games, went shopping, and just enjoyed all the girl time! Nothing better! Here are a few pictures!

All dressed up to meet Auntie T!

First of MANY snuggles!!

New outfit from Auntie T, OBSESSED!

First temple trip!

Juliet - 1.30.2016

I suppose it is time to introduce our newest arrival!! Sweet little Juliet was born on January 30th at 9:38pm and we couldn't be more thrilled to have her here! She weighed 6 lbs 7 oz and was 20.5 inches long. Basically the most perfect baby there ever was! She loves to eat, can belch with the best of them, and always has to have her hands on her face - which is actually something that I do as well.... it is strange the traits your children pick up from you. Jake and I have a daughter now! Sometimes we just look at each other in bewilderment and say, "We have a daughter.... and when someone asks us if we have kids we can actually say yes....". It is a weird feeling, but it is beautiful.

My water broke at home at 5:30 in the morning and we were admitted to the hospital at 7:30 that morning and stayed there for the long haul. The labor went pretty smoothly and there were no complications with the delivery. My mom was able to switch her flights around and made it in time to see Juliet be born. It was really amazing and we feel so blessed! 

With all that being said, having a baby is no joke. Being a mom is no joke. It is so hard. The emotional toll it takes was not something I was really prepared for. One moment that baby is safe and secure inside of you and the next they are out and you are responsible to take care of them FOREVER. It is heavy. In the hospital you feel more secure because you are surrounded by medical personnel who can answer any and all questions you have and can help you when you can't figure out why your baby is crying. 

Then you come home.

You have to adjust to having this new person in your life. You love them and are excited they are there but you are exhausted and so tired that you can't even remember who you are anymore. And the baby needs you. It is challenging. Thankfully there are people who help. My mom, dad, and husband were so supportive and helped me through my emotional first week. Then my parents left and my sister in law stepped in and helped me through the next week. How blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband, family, and friends to support me.

One of the most wonderful things about being a parent is the closeness of Heavenly Father that I can feel. He is right beside us helping us to raise this baby. Juliet is his daughter first and He loves her just like He loves Jacob and I and He wants us all to succeed. He has given us answers to prayers and brought thoughts into our minds on a regular basis. It is so amazing.

My other favorite thing about parenthood is being able to laugh at the funny and stressful things. For example, you just changed her diaper and then she pees all over the new one so you change that and then she pees all over herself OR she poops on the carpet OR she punches herself in the eye and starts to cry OR she makes funny faces in her sleep OR you finally get her down for a nap and then you knock into her bassinet and she wakes up. I could honestly go on and on. But being able to laugh at these blunders helps to keep the positivity going.

It is also ok to cry. Get it out and talk about how you are feeling. It is healthy to do that. Take time for yourself each day so you can feel like yourself and not just "mom". It really helps. I have gone out a few times to run quick errands and left Juliet with Jake and I drive with the windows down and turn my music up loud and sing. It is very therapeutic for me. I also do crossword puzzles each day to just take some time for myself. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. This is a hard but wonderful thing. Savor every moment because times goes by so fast!

Jacob and I are so grateful to have Juliet in our lives. She makes us so happy! We can't wait to watch her grow up and see the strong spirited girl she becomes!

Anxiety

I am going to get more personal on this blog post. I always want to be eloquent, but that doesn't ever happen. What winds up happening is that I blabber on and don't makes sense.... So bare with me as I struggle through this!

I don't recall sharing on this blog before that I have GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is something I have had to deal with my entire life, and with medication it can be very manageable. Although the medication helps me to manage my anxiety it doesn't take it away. I still worry, I still have panic attacks, and I still obsess over SILLY things - things that I can't control. When I am having anxiety I can't just stop worrying about whatever is on my mind. It is a process. I usually cry and have to talk about it. It is extremely draining on me. Now imagine you were married to me and had to live with a wife you worries about superfluous things all the time and can't let anything go. It is just as exhausting if not more so because as a caregiver you are the rock and the support. You have to remain calm and not lose your temper - which is extremely difficult when you are unable to reason with the person and you have been at it for an a hour or more.

Luckily for me I was blessed by my Heavenly Father with Jake. He is the most patient and kind man. When I am having anxiety he stops whatever he is doing and talks me through it - no matter how long it takes or what he has going on. I can't tell you how many times I have pulled him out of classes at church to go outside and talk for 20 or 30 minutes because of something I said to "so and so" last night and they didn't say hi to me at church and so now they must hate me. He never belittles me or my thoughts. He validates me and calms me down. He always knows the perfect thing to say.

As we get closer and closer to the baby arriving (12 days away!) My anxiety has gotten worse and we spend more time rehashing the same scenarios over and over and over.....and over. I know that I am being ridiculous but I can't stop and I have to talk about it or I can't calm down. Jake lets me get out all my worries and then he talks to me about each one and helps me set up a plan to overcome my fear. If we have already created a plan then he just sweetly reminds me of what we already decided. He holds me and lets me cry. He is so patient. It is such a blessing to have someone like him by my side for eternity.
As I was driving home from work today an old song came on that I love and as I began to listen closely to the lyrics I was amazed at how they fit into my anxious life. The song is "better than I know myself" by Adam Lambert. Here is a link to the song if you want to hear it:
                           https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNgSe8ww1cU

I wanted to break down the lyrics though and explain how they pertain to Jake and I personally.

Cold as ice

And more bitter than a December

Winter night

That's how I treated you

And I know that I

I sometimes tend to loose my temper

And I cross the line

Yeah that's the truth

(When I am in my anxiety I am not very nice and I can say extremely hurtful things. I am not proud of it, but it is something I am trying to overcome.)

I know it gets hard sometimes

But I could never

Leave your side

No matter what I say

(When Jake and I were first married and I was having anxiety I would 

feel so badly that Jake had to deal with me and I knew he deserved better and I would tell him to get a new wife and to leave me. At first he was so hurt and upset that his brand new wife didn't want to be married to him anymore - but I was blinded by anxiety. As soon as I snapped out if I sobbed and begged him to never leave me and that I don't want him to get a new wife. 

That happened a couple of times. Jake eventually learned that I was just blowing smoke and waited for me to calm down and would gently tell me that he wasn't going anywhere and that nothing I could say would change that. This is really a problem for us anymore)

'Cause if I wanted to go

I would've gone by now but

I really need you near me

To keep my mind off the edge

(This line hit me really hard. It is stated perfectly - I really need you near me to keep my mind off the edge. My mind is my worst enemy and Jake has been blessed with the gift of helping back off from the edge.)

If I wanted to leave

I would've left by now

But you're the only one that knows me

Better than I know myself

All along

I tried to pretend it didn't matter

If I was alone

Deep down I know

If you were gone

For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn

'Cause I'm lost without you

(I know people say you should rely on someone else to make you happy or to depend on someone so much, but Jake is my other half. I would be lost without him. He completes me in a way that I didn't know existed and because anxiety is such an everyday part of my life it is incredible to me that I found someone so willing to put up with me and my neediness. Heavenly Father has truly blessed Jake with a gift.)

I know it gets hard sometimes

But I could never

Leave your side

No matter what I say

'Cause if I wanted to go

I would've gone by now

But I really need you near me

To keep my mind off the edge

If I wanted to leave

I would've left by now

But you're the only one that knows me

Better than I know myself

I get kind of dark

Let it go to far

I can be obnoxious at times

But try and see my heart

(I can get dark and things can go WAY to far, but one thing Jake always does is see my heart. He knows where I am coming from and patiently waits for me to realize that I am not a horrid person and that whatever I am worried about really isn't a big deal. He is amazing!)

'Cause I need you now

So don't let me down

You are the only thing in this world

I would die without

(This is cheesy but here goes - Jake has never let me down at anytime. He is amazing and I don't even want to think about a life without him.)

'Cause if I wanted to go

I would've gone by now but

I really need you near me

To keep my mind off the edge

If I wanted to leave

I would've left by now

But you're the only one that knows me

Better than I know myself

I have anxiety. It stinks, but it is my burden to carry in this life. Heavenly Father has blessed me with a spouse that helps to carry that burden. I am so grateful for Jake and his patience with me. 

Merry Christmas (2015)

We had a wonderful Christmas! It was simple and full of friends, family, fun, and food! What could be better?!

Our Christmas Eve started with a trip to IHOP with our good friends the W's! They are such a cute family and we really enjoy their company and hanging out with them!

After IHOP we watched Return of the Jedi so that we could be prepared to watch the new Star Wars movie when the moment arrived. Jake has seen all the movies, but I hadn't finished the series yet. Now I am caught up and we can go see the new one! That evening we headed over to J and K's for a traditional Bethlehem dinner for Christmas Eve. 

K did a beautiful job with the table! We had pita bread, chicken, grapes, dried fruit, nuts, and cheese and crackers. It was yummy! We read the Christmas story from the scriptures and spent the rest of the night chatting and relaxing. M and K made cookies for Santa which was absolutely hysterical. M has a funny little personality and it is fun to watch him grow!

Christmas started early for us at 6:30am so we could open presents with my family in Utah via Skype. We had fun with that and it made it feel like we were with family opening presents. I got a bundt pan from my parents and so Jake requested monkey bread for Christmas breakfast and luckily we had all the ingredients! We ate a delicious breakfast and then "played" with all our new things!

Jake got: some clothes, google play gift cards, remember the titans (we quote this movie continually and we haven't owned it ever and now we do! exciting!) The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit set - leather bound, a couple of games, applebee's gift card, some money, emergency filtered water bottles, and an amazon gift card.

I got: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Illustrated edition, a Hogsmede poster, the Harry Potter coloring book, a shirt, slippers, a new calendar and planner, a Barnes and Noble gift card, a baby scrapbooking kit, a bundt pan, and a nativity set (which is kid friendly so when baby gets here it won't break!) 

We were really blessed to receive such wonderful gifts from our family! Later in the day we went over to our friends the V's house to check out what their kids got for Christmas. They were so excited and wanted to show off all their toys. It was fun. After that we went back over to J and K's house to hang out and have dinner. We played with M and S and they showed us their toys! 

Cute baby S! 

Jake does not have lots of Christmas spirit and so I got him this "Bah Humbug" shirt and he was a good sport to wear it! I also made him take a picture - he doesn't like to be in pictures, but he obliged. 

Nephew M

We had dinner and chatted with family and watched tv! K and J made quite a delicious dinner and dessert! We are so grateful for their generosity and hospitality on our behalf. We are blessed to be close to family. Needless to say, this year's Christmas was perfect, but we are excited for next Christmas already because Baby Girl will be here and it will be a WAY different experience. Merry Christmas everyone!

Then and Now

Today I have been doing some reflecting as we have recently returned from a fabulous trip to UT to visit family for Thanksgiving. So much has happened since last Thanksgiving and Jake and I have grown so much. This time last year we were going through our second miscarriage (after having gone through one the month before) and feeling really discouraged. I didn't feel like my life was going the way I wanted it to at all. I was lost and wasn't sure what to do next. After pondering through the options Jake and I decided that I would go back to school to get my masters degree - something I had not planned on doing after deciding to start a family. Since starting school in March, I have learned so much and been able to get a promotion at work. Going back to school has been such a blessing in my life. After a few months of being in school and some emotional healing for both Jake and I we decided that we were ready to try again for a baby. We found out we were expecting in early June and were more nervous than excited. Today I sit here, one year from back to back miscarriages, pregnant with a healthy baby girl. SO much changes in a year. We feel so happy and so blessed. We are apprehensive and ecstatic for this baby to come! Timing is in the Lord's hands and we have to trust He knows what He is doing. I am grateful for this perspective that I have been given.

With that being said! My mom and sister through a baby shower for me while we were in UT. It was a blast and turned out adorably! The theme was children's books so each snack was based on a book. I will post some pictures:

This is the "Grinch Punch" based on "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"

A fruit salad for "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"

Mini Quiche for "Green Eggs and Ham"

This is the dessert table:

Acorn cookies for "Pooh's Leaf Pile"

Blueberry muffins for "Blueberries for Sal"

Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies for "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"

Moon shaped cookies for "Goodnight Moon"

This is M. She and I were roommates during college for a couple of years. M is pregnant with a baby boy and is one month behind Baby Girl. It was so fun to catch up and to see each other as we are pregnant.

Reunion with my California friends in UT. B and E worked in the Young Women's Program with me. E moved away over the summer and B was in town for Thanksgiving and dropping her son off at the MTC. They both stopped by and it made me so happy to have part of home with me in UT.

The book banners that my cute mom made!

My parent's house lit with pink lights in honor of Baby Girl

Cheese and crackers for "The Stinky Cheese Man" and a veggie tray for "The Tale of Peter Rabbit"

Pasta Salad for "Strega Nona"

Rolls and jam for "Bread and Jam for Frances"

Meatballs for "The Story of Ferdinand the Bull"

All the food was so yummy! It was so great to see my family and friends that I hadn't seen in so long! I am so grateful for my mom and sister for putting on such a fun party. I am truly blessed. Jacob and I are feeling extremely grateful for all the gifts that we were given. 

Better Late Than Never

So.... This is REALLY late, but necessary all the same! We had a FABULOUS September full of family, fun, food, and BABY!!!!! Be prepared for a picture OOOOVVERRRRLOAADD.

Our September started with the wedding of my brother J to his lovely bride A. We zipped over to Utah for 24 hours for the occasion and packed in as much fun as we possibly could!

T and I in the car on our way to Manti for the wedding

The beautiful Manti Temple which was the perfect backdrop to a fabulous ceremony

J and A getting married!!

Jake and I waiting to get pictures taken

My brand new cousin AR - so adorable right?! And B and I at the temple. He was on his way to car undressing himself in this photo. We had to stop him before stripping all the way!

My cute family! I love them so darn much!

After the ceremony and pictures we headed to a cute little restaurant in Manti and had a delicious lunch.

J and A's entrance to the luncheon

J performed a song for A and it was so sweet!

With the happy couple!

After the luncheon we headed back home and hung out for a bit before grabbing dinner and heading off to the airport for our next adventure.

B and I at Cafe Rio (one of the things I miss most about UT since moving to CA) making silly faces!

Cafe Rio group shot - Love this family!

After our quick stop in UT we headed down to Las Vegas to see Jake's family and spend some time there! We filled up our time chatting, playing with the nieces and nephews, eating delicious food, and relaxing. It was fun to be together with everyone. One of the highlights from our trip was going to the temple with all of Jake's siblings and doing temple work together for family names. It was so cool to be there with family and to participate all together. The temple is a very special place. 

Nephew B

We went to the park for Niece B's birthday and had a little party! It was tons of fun!

We played wiffle ball one day at the church and had a fun time. This is C and Nephew B up to bat!

Niece B, Nephew B, and E riding scooters

The whole family!!

All the girls with the nieces and nephews! Niece B is getting so big! I love that our family is growing!

The siblings all went out to dinner at a Brazilian Buffet and a variety show downtown. It was a lot of fun. We ate delicious food and laughed lots. 

This was our picture from our little family picture session that we had. I like this one!

September ended with the best news of all!! We went in for our anatomy scan and after a long 1.25 hour appointment we found out we are expecting a sweet, beautiful BABY GIRL!! We feel so blessed and are so excited to be her parents. We can't wait to meet her! 18 weeks left until her arrival!